SATIRE: Stop the hate, taxations are great

Tamara Saade

Lifestyle Editor

 

Over the past week, demonstrators have taken their anger to the streets of Beirut to protest against the new tax hikes. Protesters blocked the streets of downtown Beirut for a whole Sunday, making the access to Beirut Souks for luxury shopping even harder.

Social media were also flooded with various posts accusing the Lebanese government of corruption and fraud.

Citizens should know better before falsely accusing anyone, especially their beloved government, of stealing money when there isn’t even any money in the country.

The new taxation laws aren’t that bad anyway, so why waste a wonderful sunny day of spring to go protest?

Have they seen the state of the roads lately? If there was indeed any kind of money circulating, the ministers and parliament members they elect every few years would have done something about the numerous black holes on the way  

One of the new laws the government wants to impose is the augmentation of the VAT from 10 to 11 percent. One percent of increase is definitely not worth the uproar that happened, and won’t affect the daily life of the citizens. An AUB student won’t have his routine changed by a ridiculous one percent increase.

Most AUB students use private or public transportation to get to university, but with the tax augmentation, gas prices might increase. At least students will have a valid excuse to miss class: no transportation was available.

Cafeteria prices will also slowly but surely number up, as if this wasn’t already happening anyway. The usual happy hour drinks won’t be that happy anymore: a 500 percent increase on alcohol unfortunately makes us drink more, due to desperation and despair.  

You see, the tax increase doesn’t matter that much. The worst case scenario would be to stop eating, going out, using any kind of transportation, or consuming anything at all. Might as well just stay at home and read a book. But wait – with the new tax laws, we might have to choose between books and water.

Electricity, or the ridiculous amount of power we have that we actually call electricity, will also become a luxury. Instead of having six hours of running electricity per day, we’ll make it easier for the government and their calculations: we’ll just skip the electricity part, and sit in the dark, in an empty apartment.

Unfortunately, the new taxes will also affect the already incredibly expensive rent. Apartments and houses will become even less accessible than they already are, so living in a room made of walls, or even a tent or a cabin, might not even be an option.

So you might as well sit with those protestors and their crazy banners. At least there are no taxations on standing and protesting in the middle of the road, yet.

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