Satire: AUB: A vision of solidarity and peace on elections day

Lynn Cheikh Moussa
Associate Editor

Few are the events the AUB student body can collectively indulge in on a wide scale. Indeed, the number of such events can be limited to namely, the FEA rally paper and the day of elections. Other events sadly segregate us into clubs and societies far more than our political views do on elections day.

Once a year, students come together on elections day to spend the day bickering and running around campus trying to get their favorite candidates elected. This year, while the exact events on the day of elections remain unknown, we can still give ourselves the pleasure of indulging in a few thoughts of a smooth, calm, E-day.

Picture this: there will be no need to silence or turn off phones days before elections, and the pressure of voting for friends becomes a distant, almost inexistent feeling.

The choice of who to vote for will be free of any outside intervention. Yes, your friends who are running will most definitely understand that you would rather vote depending on platform rather than interpersonal relationships, familial ties, or club affiliations. Sounds great, doesn’t it?

Campaigning will be a peaceful display of electoral platforms and healthy discussion. Students will not have to fight their way past West Hall or mark it as an unsafe zone for two days, but they can instead walk past the picturesque scene of happy campaigners and sound dialogue. It looks like something right out of a university brochure!

We’re only just getting to the best part. The day of elections, the university looks like any other regular day of classes. No yelling, no cheering, and no electoral lists being shoved into bags, hands, or even shirts and pockets sometimes. Absolutely nothing will be able to disturb the calm.

Voting will consist of three simple steps: Lining up to vote at the polling station, voting, and leaving. Yes, no one will line up on either sides of you incessantly asking who you are going to vote for, yelling out compliments to flatter you into agreeing to at least take their list and giving them some sense of accomplishment, or even yelling over other campaigners who dare speak to you.

Yes, your choice for elections will be made easy since the entire student body understands that personal choices differ and are fully dependent on preferences.

When the polls close, the campaigners will peacefully pick up their things and clean up the campus together, and then proceed to head on over to Green Oval to sit in circles, hold hands, and hope that they all emerge out of this as winners.

Seeing as all participating campaigns will engage in this activity because they wish the best for one another, they might not even fit on Green Oval and will thus head over to Green Field. Wherever they end up, we know they’re going to collectively engage in a wonderful display of affection and affinity.

When the time comes for the results to be announced, they will walk together to the front of West Hall to await the results. No metal bars will separate the campaigns as red, yellow, and white gather to witness the elected candidates.

Even the Red Oak Club, who have notoriously boycotted the event previously, would have wished they participated. Oh well, till next year!

Regardless of the name appearing on screen, all students will cheer to signify goodwill and friendship!

Those of us at Outlook will be able to witness the mesmerizing blend of colors from and express admiration for it in the issue to proceed (which you should all pick up, of course).

Although this is cutting it rather short, this elections day is a mere fantasy that has crossed most of our minds.

Let’s see what this E-day brings us.

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